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Men & Women

Men & Women Think Differently

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus is a popular book written by John Gray in 1992, offering many suggestions for improving husband-wife relationships by understanding the communication style and emotional needs of the opposite gender.

While there are many similarities between the sexes, there are some stereotypical differences that apply to most people.

An example of this theory is that women complain about problems because they want their problems to be acknowledged, while men complain about problems because they are asking for solutions. Similarly men and women not only handle stress differently, but also value sincere attention differently.


Point System
Gray suggests that while a man might count a $200 present as 20 points and a $10 item as 1 point, women count each item as 1 point. The emotional stroke delivered by the sincere attention is as important as the value of the item. This can lead to conflict when a man thinks he has earned 20 points and deserves appropriate recognition while the female has only given him 1 point and recognizes him accordingly.


The Cave and The Wave
Another major point of Gray’s books are the differences in the way they react under stress. He believes that many men withdraw until they find a solution to the problem. He refers to this as “retreating into their cave.” In some cases they may literally retreat, for example, to the garage or craft room.

On the other hand, he believes that women want to discuss problems when they occur. This leads to a natural dynamic of the man retreating as the woman constantly tries to grow closer. This becomes a major source of conflict between any man and woman.

Some researchers agree with Gray’s ideas about male-female communications differences. However, other studies do not find such differences. Erina MacGeorge found only a 2 percent difference between communication styles and offers that for the most part, men and women use, and strongly prefer, the same ways of comforting others – listening, sympathizing and giving thoughtful advice.”

One of the keys is to be respectful of each other and strike a balance. Admittedly, this is not easy to accomplish while emotions are running high. A few sessions of marriage counseling could be the answer to help your relationship weather a storm.

Contact us by email at, We are located in Lakeland Florida offering couple counseling, couple therapy, couples therapy and much more!

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Our caring staff will be more than happy to assist you.