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The Blame Game has no place in a relationship

Ahh yes, the blame game. It happens in every marriage or relationship. Someone’s missteps are used as an edge in a fight, or even a relationship. “Well, you did this… and remember when you…” These are some of the worst fights — fights where we build a case against one another, prosecuting the one we love.

That doesn’t make much sense for a variety of reasons.

Building your case fuels the fire: When you build a case to prove your loved one is wrong, is basically prosecuting them like you’re a lawyer. Your defense is prosecuting them, not rationalizing with them, which is what they want. Does it feel good winning those battles?

When someone makes a mistake, no one feels as bad as the one who makes it, especially when they understand that they’re wrong. Instead of building your case, try and keep things in perspective. What does last week’s forgetfulness about cleaning the bathroom have to do with leaving your spouse’s car in the street overnight? Building a case only creates more tension.

Here are a few ways you can help cool the fire.

Be patient, thoughtful: Kneejerk reactions never end well. If you feel your prosecutor, or spouse, is out to get you, think of your response before giving one back. Fighting fire with fire doesn’t work. Be patient and reflect on the situation. Maybe you are wrong or maybe your husband or wife just doesn’t understand the situation. Instead of being deflective, try being reflective.

Leave the door open for feedback and communication: – Change doesn’t happen when you leave the door shut. Being open to criticism or feedback can go a long way, but that’s as long as you yearn for the truth. Listen to your partner and hear the truth in what they have to say. So be open to feedback “What do I need to do to get better?”

The blame game happens in all relationships. Everyone’s to blame and no one takes fault. But no matter how stubborn you or your spouse is, no one in the blame game ends up a winner. The real winner understands the problem, focuses on remedying it, and doesn’t build a case like they’re a hot shot attorney.