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Why Choose Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

Is Cognitive Therapy right for me?

There are many different kinds of “talk therapy”, and choosing the best one is sometimes trial and error. So it is good to do your research so that you know what questions to ask a potential therapist, and can better decide if he or she is right for you.

 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has many benefits, especially if you don’t want to spend years in therapy or counseling. It addresses behaviors and thought patterns and works in the present time rather than analyzing the past. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is not about diving into what you or your parents did when you were a child. Rather, it aims to focus on the present issues at hand.

 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy teaches through self-awareness, moderating your thinking, and dealing rationally with behaviors and thought processes. The average length of a CBT relationship between client and therapist is 16 sessions. This cuts down on both time and money. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is all about giving you concrete tools to navigate your emotions, control your thinking, and thus eliminate unwanted behaviors.

 

CBT operates well for all cultures and ethnicities as it is about common, universal human behaviors and thought patterns. It is focused on the goals of the client.

 

CBT sessions are not just random chats. They are more structured for better therapeutic results.

 

The basic premise and principle of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is that the way we think determines our behaviors, and changing our thinking changes how we live.

 

CBT is therapy for the modern working person, and also for people for whom protracted therapy techniques do not work. It helps you set goals and shows you how to create the steps to achieve those goals. It is pragmatic in its essence, and won’t allow you to dally around in your past.

 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is often the only choice for those who have been stuck and going around in circles. It is concrete, quick, and very successful for many.

How to Deal with A Breakup and Become A Better Person

 

How to Overcome Breakups

No one likes to go through broken hearts. But it’s absolutely guaranteed that a broken heart is a part of everyone’s story. Whether it was the girl in third grade, or your first love, or even a divorce, break ups are never easy to cope with. According to social psychologists, there are five stages that everyone dealing with loss and grief goes through. Each step is a personal journey to a better life ahead of you, as you take advantage of new opportunities. The steps of grief are as follows:

Denial

When we first enter the realm of break ups or divorces, there is a part of us that refuses to believe it’s really happening. We think maybe our partner will change their mind. Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and it will blow over. Maybe I’ll give them a week to calm down and then we’ll talk. Denial comes in many forms, and it’s easy to stay comfortably in denial. As reality begins to set in, we move onto step two.

Anger

Once our brain registers the severity of the situation, we get angry. Anger is a natural response to things that are beyond our own control. We’re angry because we our partner left. We’re angry because they aren’t doing everything in their control to make things better. It feels like a betrayal when we trusted them more than anyone else. Anger is normal, and healthy. It’s also common to be angry at ourselves for things that we should have done in the past. The trick to coping with this stage of loss is to turn the anger into something productive. Use it to get more done at work. Use it as motivation to work out. Set some new goals and channel that energy into making choices that will improve who you are a person.

Bargaining

Once the anger settles and things begin to calm down, the bargaining begins. Whether we are bargaining with ourselves: “What if I did this differently?”, or… we try to bargain with the ex-partner to get back together by saying “I can change”.

Depression

Although I might argue that depression can emerge at any point along the process, it’s predicted to come out after the bargaining stage. Depression is the times when our sadness takes over our whole feelings, and there is not anything you can do to emerge from it. During times of depression it’s important to lean on some good friends. Talk out your situation, and read inspirational things. Listen to upbeat music, and do your best to just keep chugging along. Depression will slowly fade into just a twinge of sadness, and then you’ll find yourself in the last step of grief.

Acceptance

Reaching acceptance isn’t always an easy process. Sometimes break ups are sudden or especially painful. It’s really hard to accept things that we don’t understand. I’ve found that doing your best to understand the situation is the best way to learn to accept it. Listen to the things your partner said during the break up. Think critically about the relationship, and don’t obsess over just the good things. Of course there were good times, but breakups don’t occur for no reason. Were you unhappy at the core? Was it bad timing? The important thing is to not resist acceptance. Refusing to accept a situation will keep you in a revolving door of the steps above. You’ll be stuck in anger and depression, even denial at some points.

Chances are there is always room for personal improvement after the end of a relationship. You just spent so much time focusing on a whole separate being. Imagine if you took that energy and poured it into your own wellbeing. Take this time to write down goals and achieve them. Use the extra energy as motivation to become a better version of you. A version of you that you will be proud to share with someone else in the future.

The Process of Loss

 

Loss is a part of life and we all will experience many losses as we navigate our journeys. Loss comes in many guises; it is not only the death of a loved one. Loss can be the dissolution of an important relationship, having to move from a beloved family home, losing a part of your life to illness; almost any life transition is accompanied by a sense of loss. Loss and the grieving process go hand in hand, and grief is something one should not try to side-step. It is an essential part of being able to move on from the loss, and if you don’t allow yourself to grieve, you could end up with psychological and physical health issues later on.

 

In her book On Death and Dying, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross posited fives stages of normal grief. They need not occur in any particular order, and most often people in grief will move back and forth through the different stages. But all grief is a highly personal and individual process, and there is no timetable for it. Each person will grieve in his or her own time, and in his or her own way.

 

The five stages of grief are:

 

  • Denial and Isolation
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Depression
  • Acceptance

 

In denial and isolation one is not accepting the reality of the situation. Often this feeling makes the person feel isolated and alone, or causes him to isolate himself from others. It is important in this stage that you try as well as you can, to be with your support system – loved ones, friends and family – and that you talk about how you feel as openly as possible. If you need to seek professional help, do not wait. Get it.

 

With anger, your feelings are deflected because the pain of the situation is too much to bear, and anger is the result. People who aren’t in awareness of this stage, often take their anger out on loved ones or others, getting agitated and losing their tempers easily. But anger is a more active stage than denial, and puts you on your path towards acceptance.

 

In bargaining people go through the “if only’s”. If only I had gotten a second opinion, if only I had said “I love you”, if only I had gotten help earlier. The “if only’s” can drive you nuts if you aren’t careful, and is also another way to not have to feel the actual pain of the loss.

 

Depression is the beginning of dealing with the pain. You could be depressed over more practical matters, like costs and bills, and then you get depressed because you know you must say goodbye and let the situation or person go. This part of the depression stage is more individual and private, and comes along with deep reflection, memories, and deep sadness. It is normal to feel this for months, but if it goes on for too long, get professional help. Sorting through your feelings, which can be very complex, may need a fresh set of eyes.

 

Acceptance does not come to everyone. Some people are never able to move out of denial and anger. The ability to make peace with the situation is sometimes hard won, and not everyone gets there. Give yourself time and don’t be impatient with yourself. The grieving process can be quite protracted, and there are no time limits.

 

Loss and grief are necessary parts of living a full life, and knowing something about them, can help you to cope a little better. The process is personal, and will take longer for some than others. But there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and you may move back and forth through the different stages a few times before you come to some peace. Journal about your feelings, talk about them, even paint or draw them. You don’t have to be an artist to be creative in your expression of them. And in the end, getting your feelings out will ease the pain and speed up the process.